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Don’t Label My Kid! Facebook

 

As we draw closer to formally offering all of our coaching and counseling services to the public, it is important that you stay connected through our Facebook page so you will know first of any material, webinars, parenting workshops, addiction events or Mental Health services.

Don’t Label My Kid! Followers will ALWAYS receive priority treatment over anyone for services, materials, or anything we offer. This includes a built in discount! So don’t skip this one! Click the above link to our page then follow the page!

TJ

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My Own Recent World Of Pain… And Depression…Ever Had Someone Bring Up Your Past To Hurt You?

 

bitterness

 

I’ve been out awhile. I could not tell you how long. Don’t care either. I’m surprised I ever returned to Blogging. My life has been peppered with trauma. In my immediate family we’ve walked through addiction,. Depression, suicide, domestic violence, you name it. I don’t know if you ever ” get used ” to the trauma..However you do learn to cope,

The issues at hand this last week or two were especially troubling to me. Much like the sudden suicide of my brother, and death of both my only grandparents, there was and still is a certain finality about the whole thing.

If you’ve ever lost a loved one unexpectedly, you know that the feelings that troubled you were very different then the typical feeling ” blue” or down. There is a certain finality, a certain heaviness of heart that is present. Those heavy burdens do not rest at night so you can. You cannot shelve them so you can do your job well, or be there for your family. In that sense they are a paralyzing set of feelings.

The emptiness that comes with betrayal, unforgiveness or other human behavior can be as severe as the trauma of having your brother shoot himself in the head after being molested by his catholic priest. I know this for a fact because I have lived through both. This time was different though. I don’t recall ever feeling the way I did ( and still do honestly) before with any family problems, marriage issues or even divorce.

I knew right when this thing started to take its toll that it would need to be published . I didn’t want to publish it, not then, not now not ever. That is how feelings work. They try to get us to believe that we are in charge of what will happen in our future.

So, there were a couple of issues (still present) that appeared to start at the same time. I feel like the one that would most easily be related to by my fellow bloggers would be the issue in my life that has to do with unforgiveness.

I am learning the price of unforgiveness. The cost of refusing to allow God or anybody to help you be able to forgive someone who hurt another. I’m not refusing to forgive anyone.

joyce

The thing is the forgiveness was refused to me by a loved one. Things that happened over the years, situations I have had to work through with depression, addiction etc. have now resurfaced over a decade later and from my own family. Most of my family was supportive of me when I tried to get help in several rehabs, spent years trying different meds for major depression, even though I knew most meds for depression do more harm than good. I didn’t know what else to do. I didnt ask to be an addict anyways. But boy am I paying the price for it regardless.

If you are an addict or former addict you likely have run into it somewhere by somebody, Here is the thing to consider; there are only a handful of people who are close enough to you to have the goods on you in such a way that even if your life has totally changed, they can reach into their memory tool belt and start reminding you in great detail just how much damage you did by each individual season in your life.

If you are like me and have been through depression, addiction and 7 hip surgeries which sapped me of everything I had financially , emotionally, physically and spiritually then you have people out there somewhere that at any given moment could bring memories up and hurt you.

In many ways that is what is going on in my life but with a slight twist. The root reason any person would bring up the past would be unforgiveness, However beyond the unforgivness, some might even take offense when you are having even a tiny bit of success in your life. Why should you get to enjoy a moment in your life until you have suffered as long or longer as the people you hurt along the way.

Now we are in an entire different category than just unforgiveness. We are seeing much more than unforgiveness but the bitterness which comes from unforgiveness. That bitterness wants to hurt and tear down as much as possible. In my case it took me many years after I was doing better to even forgive myself and anyone who knows me will tell you that is how I have been all my life. Much harder on me than anyone could ever be. So when a person you love who has known you a very long time or even a sibling decides to reopen those wounds for you believe it takes a special person to enjoy distributing that kind of pain.

The incident this time was especially final. For lack of a better term I just mean it was much different from a quick reference to the past to make a point . The shock for me was that I could tell by the way the play by-play came so naturally with exact times and dates of every error I ever made . In

Perhaps all these years I was fooling myself about having been forgiven. Whatever the case I was totally caught off guard and more significant than that I felt wounded to the point of becoming physically sick. I have not slept or felt normal in two weeks. So in the past weeks I have thought it all through and a question kept popping in my head. ” How come I have never allowed anyone in my life to have that much power over me with their words, but that day I melted like candle wax.”

The answer came in a few minutes and was simple. Not many people in our lives have that kind of power, meaning not just details of wrong, but the ability to make it personal to them and accuse you of robbing them of quality of life. There are always a few people ( usually family members, spouses etc) who have a much greater stash of weapons in their tool belt of memories.

Many people may ” know” about your problem maybe it was even on the news. Who cares, look at Bill Clinton. He has absorbed truthful and embarrassing accusations with proof that he was guilty yet he never even thought of stopping public spotlight. None of the people who ” knew” had the right authority or tools. However,  can you imagine if he had not had Hillary trained as well he did? She had and still has the power to drop him in a New York second if he steps out of  line again. Fortunately for him, she is as greedy as he is,  and has ridden his coat tails all the way to where she got.

My point is that we are always vulnerable to someone. On the other side of the coin if I had to name one lesson I learned during this, is I found out that as a Christian, my security is not 100% in Christ as it should be. My concern should be for His reaction to my life, not any human. It’s just very hard when you have a small circle of family that has the ability to make things hurt more with their words than the average person.

We have all made mistakes. Do not let someone control your emotions by reminding you of your past.

 

TJ

The Debate That Would Make George Carlin Blush. This Is Offensive And NOT For Children. If Your Not Careful Though You Will Learn More In 8 Minutes Than You May Have In Your Lifetime.

Hateful Truth- Excuse The Dirty Truth

 

Read the body of this post before watching the clip.

 

Above is the link to the 8:56 minute video that is offensive. I feel the information in it is worth overlooking the time of total crude language. I hope you do too.

 

Wow. I never imagined I would air a clip of an atheist bi-sexual arguing with black people who are still playing the victim about things like slavery and other issues. This guy is straight up rude, arrogant, offensive and much more. He curses more in here then I have had on this blog in 5 years combined. Yet I cannot pass up the opportunity to let the whole world see and hear the truths that are laid out, albeit in an extremely offensive manner. However if an argument or debate that reveals truth so we can move on requires 8 minutes of offensive language I think its worth it.

I am warning you to have your young kids in another room, and if you are one of those people like a few in my old church who runs as fast as they can if anyone says “shit” because they are too  ” Godly ‘ then don’t bother. You will have to do what I did, and overlook the offensive and see the amazing truths that are in the midst of them.

Watch at your own risk. One more warning, this is an 8 minute video of an arrogant atheist arguing with a few angry black people about sensitive issues. If you cannot handle that then skip it.

One Last Note- This video ends at around 8:56 or so. I advise you to have your hand on the control by 8 minutes. It only gets worse after this  debate. I also will tell you that you may see ads and things that are as inappropriate as this guy. Ignore them and get your 8 minutes of truth. If it bothers you so much that he is rude, pray for him.

I’m out.

Visualize Whirled Peas

TJ

The Downside Of Blogging About Serious Issues… The Value Of A ” Worthless” Blog.

Its been five years for me with this blogging thing. I have read my share of articles and opinions on why certain blogs have more followers than others, or one has more comments than the other etc… I have been on the same side, looking at my stats and wondering how come mine are so different from other blogs. I have felt the same feeling of questioning myself and wondering what I should be doing that I was not. The truth is, I have learned and still am learning about things that can benefit my site or draw a certain crowd. So this is a legitimate concern.

However, after five years of this, I recently discovered something that has absolutely changed the way I view my site and truthfully every site! I have made a discovery that, at least for me, is brand new and not talked about much, if it is even well understood. I am not convinced that what I am about to suggest, which potentially affects all of your blogs as well, is even common knowledge in the blogging world. I stumbled on it while pressing in over and over, looking for things I may be missing out on to promote my site.

What I am about to say has the potential to be quite controversial. but I firmly believe nobody will be able to disprove my theory. If everyone who reads this takes what I am saying and weighs it with their own circumstances, I am convinced the end results will be very much in line with each other. Now I want to be honest about the fact that some of my findings were birthed out of my total frustration with my lack of growth during certain seasons and seeming inability to move as fast as some other bloggers.

I really went over and over many times the same old information until one day it just clicked in my head that I had part of the answer to why some blogs are so very much more successful growth wise than others. Not that they are any better or worse, but just a reason that finally made sense to me. The news I am presenting here can make each one of us stop and reconsider what our passion is! What we write about. Why we write about what we do. I even remember one day I wrote a post that I had spent much time researching, and expected it to be well received in my community of bloggers. However, to my dismay, it was just an “average” post in my book. You know, 10-20 likes and maybe a comment or two. Whoopee, right?

Something happened around that same time, though, that brought it all full circle for me. That something was my stumbling upon a blog post on the feed about training dogs to do house tricks and healthy eating habits for your mutt. But then, as I neared the end of the post, I saw this enormous number that appeared on the last line of the post where comments also go. Yeah, it was this number like 469 or something. I must have read that 3 times just to be sure but it sure was 469 people gave their props for the doggy master and doggy diet expert. Now, in all fairness, I was just coming off of a post that I spent several hours researching, an hour and a half writing ( I think I may have even edited that one!) and I was feeling a tad low with my 20 likes on a very important topic for all of us humans, but even lower when I caught the 469 for the doggy dynasty.

Here is what I realized then. People in general simply do not wish to deal with the hard stuff that life has dealt. People in general like to have their ears caressed when reading a blog post. They do not want to be confronted with all the harsh realities we are facing in real world, non-doggy life. Grown ups who are well-educated and should care about certain issues like human trafficking, or pedophile priests, or crooked politicians are more than willing and even likely to skip the post about a crisis we, as a society, has to deal with and instead steer their eyes towards soothing material. Its true!

This is not just what my team writes about or what we deal with in mental health, child abuse, and addiction, but it was my own blog that awakened me to the idea of what was happening. I supported my theory by checking with other bloggers and looking at all the different numbers and it proved to be a working theory.

Here is the main point of what I found. People like me, who tend to deal with sad, even troubling issues much of the times seem to have this common thread of a lower amount of followers and not as many takers in general who even want to face these issues much less spend time thinking through them in a blog post. That seems to be a fact across the board. However, the amazing thing I discovered was that my smaller group of people were participating in, liking, and commenting on about 35% of what we published. Now I don’t know if you ever check those stats but recently I read an article by a very successful blogger who I believe said he sometimes had a 1-5% participation rate when it came to his huge audience actually liking or commenting on his topics. So to see 35% consistently and look back over the years and see it never dropped below 20%, was amazing to me. It told me something that we all need to be aware of. The numbers may not line up on the same side with all bloggers in the same categories. But the numbers are there most times just distributed in different places. In my case, I realized I had a slightly more intense crowd who did not mind getting their hands dirty in some controversy. Therefore, what I was not seeing in overall total followers, I was making up 10 fold in active engagement with my posts.

So, for all of us who blog, we need to start making sure our perspective is accurate. It simply is not likely, on any given day, that a human being with all the problems we already have, would rather spend 20 minutes ingesting some bad news about abused kids, rather than totally avoiding it and thinking about the fact that Rover can roll over. The one is simply much more stressful than the other. So none of us should discount one bit of our efforts writing based on simple numbers alone, but on the whole picture.

Many, many times I have read posts written by bloggers who are very disappointed in how slow their blog has progressed, in comparison to some others. Now it is easy for me to see that most are likely missing out on some part of the value in their work because they follow the popular way of measurement which typically is “How many followers you got?” That usually leads to depression. What if, just for one day, the question went like this, “Hey, what percent of the viewers of your posts actually care enough about them to “like” them or comment?” A much different way of thinking is born. And I am willing to bet that the question could be asked in many more ways that I have not even thought of.

But we as bloggers are followers in that sense. We want what the writer over there has. Yet truly we have no idea, unless he makes us privy to his stats, just how important those 26,000 followers were this month, because he never bothers to look past that and dig into the statistics that WordPress provides. Such as, how many of those people even took time to click “like” out of 26,000? Remember, this is not an “either or” scenario. I am discussing meaning that one type of stat is more important than another. Heck, do you think if tomorrow I found out a way to add-on 5000 followers to my crew, that I would not be running to do it? Of course I would. I want that, too.

We need to stop trying to fit our blogs into ‘cookie cutter’ molds that all line up a certain way. I will close by sharing something that happened my second year of blogging. It was a lonely time. I think I was paying family members 5 bucks to comment on a post just to get some action…lol – it was awfully depressing for me. And then I got an email from a lady out of this country. She was suicidal and an addict who had decided to take her life and truly also believed God was waiting to escort her to hell for being an addict in the first place. Rough, rough situation. Even with 20 years under my belt in social work and counseling, i could not prepare for that. Fortunately I did not have to come up with any miraculous words from my therapy book. You see after she told me in the email, from another country, she had decided to take her life, there was a “but”..”

She said “But then I read your post on faith and addiction and how you were where I was and how God never left you and you made it out, so I decided to keep on trying.” I think it was her and maybe a friend I had asked to read that post on that day. I only had a few dozen followers or a 100 whatever. Not many reading much of anything. But I will tell you that after that night, I knew that if nobody ever read one word of my writing again in history, those two years of dark and slow blog growth were well worth all of it and then some.

Never, ever question how your work, your efforts, are paying dividends. Hey, the facts are, folks, that some people get paid in the form of thousands of new followers pouring into their site each month, or maybe constant re-blogs and praise on almost everything they put on paper. It could be something they are not even aware of like in my situation with the suicidal lady. Be assured that what you are doing is not in vain. The cards have a way of landing a different way all the time and we do not always get to see how. If we are fortunate, we get a glimpse at some point. Even if you do not, never ever stop putting on paper what your heart is screaming to your brain all the time. There is a reason.

Stay with your first love. Don’t worry about the next guy. I can tell you from experience that you may never know the value of your work on this earth. But from experience let me also be the one to tell you it matters, to someone. Sometimes it matters a whole lot!

TJ

How Is This For Good News – Alzheimer’s Brain Damage Reversed – In Men Not Mice!

One Of The Worst Best Kept Secrets In The World…Many First Responders – Kill Themselves.

This is such long overdue information. It’s a shame that society expects first responders to be exempt from traumatic shock and mental illmess. It needs to be addressed.

http://www.register-herald.com/news/study-says-more-first-responders-die-by-suicide-than-in/article_939f4ea2-64f3-5b38-b520-3f2cb606f416.html

People Pleaser Are You?