The Proper Way to Disagree

Let me just cut to the chase. If you disagree with someone, make it as public as possible, call them an idiot, and make them feel stupid for not seeing things your way.


How many of us are guilty of that? We immediately get on social media, let everyone know how angry we are with someone, and get as much attention as possible. Facebook is a great place for sympathy, right? 

Public places are not appropriate for private disputes. If my wife and I have an argument, I don’t tell anyone. My wife and I work it out. It’s no one else’s business but mine and my wife’s. 

Such disputes can do major damage to the cause of Christ. Several years ago, I came across a guy on the internet who called himself the “watchdog”. He was not a watchdog but was one of the things in Proverbs 6 that the Lord hates – “he who sows discord among the brethren”. His website was dedicated to bashing a preacher. I commented one day (a huge waste of energy that I can’t take back) and remarked about how unbelievers were probably reading this and wanting nothing to do with Christianity because of his hateful approach. I predicted that he would say that the real people doing damage to the cause of Christ were the pastor he bashed daily and those like him.

When approaching someone with whom you disagree, ask yourself how you would want to be confronted (the Golden Rule). The purpose is not about you being right. You and I can love those with whom we disagree (we’re kinda commanded to). I disagree with a lot of people, but I do my best to treat them with dignity and respect. I’ve always heard that you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. This approach may preserve your relationship and allow you to lead someone to faith in Christ one day. Think about that the next time you have a disagreement.

Author: Matthew Winters (The Comeback Pastor)

Born and raised in Portsmouth, VA, I eventually landed in upstate SC because when God calls I move. I gave my life to Christ in 1987 and surrendered to the call to ministry in 1997. I am a three-time graduate from Liberty University and Theological Seminary: BS in Religion (2003), the MA in Religion (Leadership concentration - 2006), and the Master of Divinity (Pastoral Ministries - 2013). I have served as a worship leader and senior pastor in Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, and Georgia since 1996. After experiencing a divorce, God graciously gave me my wife, Jennifer, whom I married in September 2015. Between the two of us, we have 6 children. I am the Lead/Founding Pastor of Overcomers Church in Walhalla, SC, a church plant that is helping those who have been overcome by life to become Overcomers in Christ. Jennifer and I both love people and long to see them enter into a relationship with Christ and walk in the power of His Spirit. I pray that these thoughts I share will challenge and inspire you to greater heights and deeper depths for the glory of Christ.

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