Although I will need to develop an indivualized Care Plan with you when you utiilize my services, I will be dropping universal tips on anything from parenting to depression when possible.
Today’s tip is far away the most effective and the least intrusive to make your life as a parent with a teenager or a young adolescent much easier. Most of us humans are immediately aware of things that are not right -or things that are not going well.
As parents, the very first target we have is our own children, they are the easiest victims to catch doing what’s “not right” . Often times it’s over exaggerated as well because of our own day or something that we are frustrated about.
How many times have we all said to our children something like ‘ don’t even start” . I had a rough day already. I don’t need any more headaches.” Sound familiar anyone ? ( if you said no you are lying) lol.
. One year when I taught parent training for the state and I had about 15 parents in the class I asked for a show of hands for whoever could name the best thing that their child did the day before in their home. There wasn’t a hand up for a good 2 or 3 minutes. Next I asked, ” can you think of a few things that went wrong?”
Every hand went up immediately. I followed it up with this statement. Wouldn’t it be nice if pointing out the negatives and the wrongs in your child’s life would change their behavior pattern. Of course, there was silence because I had finished my statement. The truth is negative reinforcement, whether on a child or an adult does not change long term behavioral patterns. That’s a proven fact. Instead of catching our kids being bad, we have to retrain our brains to to catch them being good.
“Good” is a very generic word so we need to narrow that down specifically to catch them doing something that you asked them to do. For example ” Jimmy , I noticed you made your bed before school today like I asked , I appreciate that ”
If you begin to ” catch them being good’ you’ll find in a very short time that the desired behavior will increase . In 2-3 weeks you will notice a complete change. ( again, let me emphasize on an individualized family care plan, we would work out the specific motivators that your child is working for, and we would tie that into the positive behaviors, so after 3 days of positive behaviors, they would earn another step towards a bigger goal then just verbal praise. But that’s an individualized care plan.
If you teach yourself to make 7-9 positive statements each day to your child day, finding at least 7 or 8 positive things state to your child..when it comes time for correction it comes with ease. They aren’t feeling beat up all day long .
Think of it this way- if we as adults at our jobs respond to positive behavior reinforcement better than constant criticism, why would you think a child could do better?
So there is a very simple start to turning around the entire behavioral pattern of the kids in your home. For an individualized Care Plan and specific motivators that are long term, which you want to build into your routine.. Contact me ..