So its been a very rough road for me in the last decade or two. Many times over did I wonder why the things that were happening were happening-and why those things that were not happening were not. I think everyone goes through that at some stage. It gets worse when you start itemizing the thing that have gone wrong in life. Our nature is to identify what is wrong with a situation or a person.
If you have kids you understand this. The irony with kids, is we can point out what they are doing wrong all day long and never see any real change in them. If we began to identify what it is we want to see them doing, than praise them when they are doing it we begin to see change. It’s a long proven fact that negative reinforcement never changes long-term behavior patterns for the good.
Occasionally I will be out at the store or doctors office and overhear people complaining about what they have to live with My immediate response is to shake my head and wonder how they would deal with what I have on my plate. After all, I grew up with an alcoholic, abusive and violent father who was kind enough to turn me on to alcohol at 13. By the time I was in high school I was a full-blown addict and didn’t know it. The next years it got worse as I had to figure out how to address it. Of course that major depression in the genes did not help. Then my brother and his suicide put another dark cloud over me.
After rehab, 20 different medications or so and trying to make it through college to get into social work, it all got better though….
Not so much. Since then I began a career after college in the field and all but still couldn’t shake the depression and temptation to self medicate. Of course all along even people close to me were starting to judge me as if depression wasn’t real. Meantime I am in the other room trying to figure out how much life insurance I had to leave for my wife and kids. If they only knew. Maybe you know.
After a divorce and the trauma of having to share time to see my little boys it just got worse. I have spent the last 25 years trying to stay one step ahead of addiction and depression and memories of my very abusive childhood. If that is all I had to deal with it would be plenty. Fast forward years and after remarrying I have two little girls to feed. I once again pursue the best work in my field to provide for them and enjoy real living. Just a few years into this, I was out of the blue diagnosed with a rare bone disease called AVN or Avascular Necrosis. Bone death in Greek. In the right hip and doctor says my hip is gone and I need immediate total hip replacement.
Huh? I am 45. I workout. I have kids. I have to work. What do you mean hip replacement? He assured me I would be up and back to work in a couple of months. He as well said a few years. I don’t have money to pay up all bills for that time. However I had no choice. Without the ugly and long version, the doctor and hospital decided I was the perfect candidate to do the surgery live on the web, moderated by 5 other surgeons. I guess to show the world how great they were at surgery. It turned out to be the biggest nightmare of my life. The hip failed 13 months later and began just falling off.. Dropping out socket. After this paralyzing event occurred 2x and I was taken by ambulance to the ER to have it jammed back in place, I called the doctor repeatedly but oddly Even enough no call back.
Short version, he acted as if he didn’t know me, rather than associate his world-wide debut on the internet with failure. I went on to have a world record 11 dislocations in 11 weeks. No help from doctor. Actually it became such a well-known story that some didn’t believe it was true. To this day it’s up on Dr. Earl Stevens website New Zealand. It’s at earlsview.com then just search Tim’s horror story. So thanks to the good doctor , I had my 7th hip surgery just 1 year ago. Lost everything we owned. No home, nothing. Turned down 2x for disability because I am ” too well-educated” which is against the law.
I have had 2 total hip replacements, a revision, bone grafts, core decompression, my jaw bone shaved and then those 11 dislocations. I am tired. I am broke. I wonder why. Just one break is all I need. I deserve disability. I paid in for 20 years. My failed hip has been in a lawsuit with 8000 others and they recently awarded the first 10 people 80 million each for their suffering but before I got excited my attorney said they might fight my case.
What? Fight my case but why? I don’t ask anymore. That’s how my life is.
So I told you those little tidbits which represents about 25% of my major issues so you know I am not blowing smoke. I have come to realize that I am not in control here. God had allowed this for His purposes, and there is no fighting that because He did allow it. Next I turn to His word and seek out how exactly I am to deal. First it was clear I am not the first to have trials.
- 1 Peter 1 6-7 – Explains what trials produce in us.
- Romans 8:28 –Is a promise that God will work all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
- Hebrews 11 ( The hall of faith) – Describes how we are not to go by feelings or emotions, what we see or think. We walk by faith not by sight.
It is these things I have had to hold on to. It is very hard in today’s world because every single thing that happens in this world today is against what works according to Gods word. The world tries to talk us out of our faith every day. If you are not renewing your mind in real truth each day from Scriptures you will buy the lies of world.
- (By the way all my atheist, Buddhist, agnostic, and universe worshippers you know the routine, just skip that bible part if it offends you. I am telling my story and for me its critical. No offense.)
- Does any of this take away the pain? No. I have pain. I also have peace. Peace is the difference between panicking in trials and standing firm through them.
- Anyways yesterday something else took my mind off of all my problems. I still have 2 kids at home. Girls. My little baby girl had to have surgery in her gums at the hospital .I could not be there so my family sent me a picture of her before and after. She is 5. These 2 pictures made me forget about some things and remember again what is important. I thought I would share them. It moved me for some reason to see her happy, and even though not really awake from surgery yet, she was safe.
I don’t know what your situation is. Maybe harder than mine. Remember, you have a reason to be where you are. You dont get to know all the details.
- Here is the deal. Money comes and goes, jobs come and go, health comes and goes. Relationships come and go. Kids come and go. Feelings come and go. If you put your security in any of those you have just strapped yourself onto the roller coaster of a lifetime.
- God is the same yesterday, today and forever and His word will never ever return void. I like that..
In he meantime grab who you can that you love. Focus on things you are good at. Start training that brain to catch the positive things about your life and you. It works.