Dont Complain About The Behavior Of Kids Today- We Trained Them.

When I was little I always heard stories from older folks who would tell of the consequences of their behavior if they were caught doing the things kids do on a daily basis today. Everyone, the kids and their parents shrugged it off and laughed. You know the stories, they had to walk in 5 feet in snow each way uphill to school and how they worked doing chores until sunset. Then the subject of discipline came up and there was never an issue.

Most kids back in the day were lucky if they got a choice between a switch and a belt. And that right there might be for just being disrespectful to there parents. Today kids are hitting their parents and no consequences. In many cases parents do whatever the kid wants to keep them happy since they are now scared of them. When I go out in public and watch the way teenagers talk to their parents, I am amazed. Even after 20 years working in some of the most tough areas, I still get shocked once in awhile.

I think it all started when the state decided what parents can and cant do to discipline kids. I all for keeping kids from being abused and neglected. However none of my 5 ever smarted off or got out of line without a slap on the butt. Of course we are talking during the age when they cannot communicate with words, 2-3 years old. There must be a response cost for negative behavior at that age or it is difficult to issue one at 15.

Another thing that seemed to take us on a downhill turn was to take any moral codes out of our teaching system. All these atheists fighting to get prayer out out of school, and look where we are. God forbid Mr Atheist that a kid might learn some things like the golden rule, or not to steal. What in the world do you have against a kid learning this kind of teaching?

Of course the invasion of sexual perversion as in the days of Sodom and Gomorrah back decades ago did not help. Now we have convinced ourselves that we may be ” gay” or “bi” or “tranny” or whatever. Actually Ms Jenner just started a whole different category because he says he still has his male parts but feels his female soul coming out. Huh? No more Wheaties cereal boxes for the former athlete. Maybe he will come out with a line of cereal called Sweeties instead, who knows.

Now we find ourselves with huge problems with delinquent behavior and nobody knows what to do. Thank God for the Psychiatrists and big pharmaceutical who have ” saved the day”. They are working overtime to make sure that there is some kind of official mental health disorder to tag these kids with, and the drug companies have been kind enough to help out by rapidly squeaking any kind of drug they can by the FDA , and coincidentally – just in time for the new mental health labels.

Now, we have teens with problems, being sent to psychiatrists as young as 8 or 9 and diagnosed with a mental health disorder and put on controlled drugs! In the world we live in, a mother sitting at home watching Dr. Phil sees a kid acting like her child and assumes their child is bi-polar too. A quick trip to the doc, describing the symptoms she saw on Dr Phil, and she may walk out with a label and meds too. All the while not many people pay attention to the very close relationships the doctors have with the drug makers. Millions of dollars are made by doctors who prescribe a drug company’s newest designer drug. Not every doctor. An article in the Washington Post said that about 94% of doctors had personal relationships with at least one drug maker they used.

What does this mean and why does it matter? It matters because once a person is labeled with a mental illness, especially a child, there is a huge stigma that forever haunts them. Out of the thousands of kids I have worked with who had labels, almost all of them when asked why they misbehaved, would tell me verbatim their DSM diagnosis and that they had no control.

Wow. One day several years ago a doctor gave this kid a label, possibly for financial gain, only to have the kid live out the prophecy. Today it has become so common that there is a pill for everything. Too much laughing, too much crying, the new DSM has one called ” Teenage Rebellion Syndrome” in it. Did they just make a teen who rebels, a mental health patient? I am not 100% sure, but I believe America is either the only one or one of a few that even allows commercials on television for drugs. All day long we see them, do you pee too much, ever feel down? How about your teenager is out of control- well stupid, sedate the kid! Get him to a head doctor.

Now I want to point out that mental health and the need for doctors and clinicians is very real. There are many people out there who suffer from terrible anxiety, phobias, depression and the like. That is not what I am writing about here today. I am talking about those doctors who have literally ruined the lives of others by labeling them. So people ask me all the time, ” well what if they are mentally ill” and that’s a fair question. I never said mental illness does not exist. I do however believe that drug companies and doctors are handing out labels and meds too quickly.

If a child does truly meet criteria for a mental illness, it is critical that the people who love and work with them don’t make that label their identity. It should never be brought up unless it has too.

In a nutshell, we have taken away the rights of parents to even spank a child, taught them there are no consequences for their behavior, taken any hope of them finding some help through school prayer or Bibles, and dumped them on the doctors to medicate. By the way i talk about drugs alot and how they are prescribed. If you want to know the real ugly truth, go onto the public website for clinical trials and the FDA. They have to show what trials took place and how it went, including the results.

Lets just say this; If I was Shire Drug Company, and I was looking to get a new drug approved for mood swings, here is what is required.

First, a clinical trial- meaning a group of say 40 people who agree to stay for 6 weeks for this trial and be monitored each day. Each day the nurse is to check in and rate the patient on their mood. At the end of the 6 weeks, now hear this, if 20 of the 40 say that they think their mood has improved by at least 10%- we have a winner. So when you see on television the commercials that say, ” most people who took ********** drug reported an improvement in their mood. It is now legit to now say that the majority of people who tried this drug felt better! Its a miracle!

The FDA and Drug companies, as well as doctors is another story and much more detailed.

Just think twice before accepting labels, and if your child does have a label, avoid using the term. Focus on strengths. In some cases I have seen parents go for a second opinion and the 2nd doctor found no grounds for any labeling. Just FYI- Peace-Tj

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If Nobody Else Will Address It- I will. We Are Losing Our Kids…

In this blog I have addressed issues to do with parenting, teens, addicts, doctors, meds, abuse by the big drug companies and their cozy ties with psychiatrists who also happened to get some handsome compensation for writing the new drugs these makers put out. I was in a unique position in my career, as worked years on the clinical side for a psychiatrist, and the last 10 years working more behavior based programs. They both have their flaws, and low success rates in general. We talk about ” At-Risk” families and all these programs out there for parenting. I used to teach those. Useless.

These days folks have their 10 year old kids running the streets selling dope for their parents. When kids become a hassle and interfere with the parents drug lifestyle. they tell teachers the kid is out of control, and eventually gets to the doctor for a label and meds which he accepts as his fate and fulfills the prophecy about him..that’s just a small part of this problem, but it is getting big. I wrote a few times about pedophiles and gave everyone a prompt to keep track of the local child predators near you. They are EVERYWHERE. In Florida, in the last week I have heard of 4 children kidnapped, raped and killed at ages 4-7. I live in a decent town and 1 in every 19 people have a record of child molesting.

These are not the days where the neighborhood raises the child. These are not the days when you can let your 10 year old daughter skate to the corner store for a snack. Those are gone. Sick child predators are roaming the streets looking for victims, and there is no cure. Those are one group of people who if convicted, should be released to the parents and family out behind the courthouse, no hearing needed. They should be executed on the spot. We have white color harmless people serving 20 years in prison for cheating on taxes, but let these scumbags out time after time again.

People today wonder why some teens are so disrespectful to adults. All you have to do is put them in a room with their parents most times and you will find out why. The apple does not fall far from the tree. One of the techniques I used on thousands of kids, teachers and staff I trained was to help them retrain there brain on how much they criticize children. The hardest part of any trainings I have ever done for staff, parents, or anyone else, is the ratios of positive to negative statements from the adult to child in one day. When I ask about how many times a day these parents criticize or yell at their children, the answers ALWAYS was somewhere between 13-20 times per day.

When asked how many positive comments they made each day it was usually silent for a minute before some brave soul raised their hand and mumbled a number usually between 1-4. There is a big problem with this, not only with children but with adults. Negative reinforcement is a band aid for the moment, which is another nail in the self esteem of the child. It has been proven that negative behavior does not change long term by criticism. Yelling at your child, threatening them with violence, or the like only serves to lower their self esteem and motivation.

One of secrets I used from near the beginning was to reverse the ratios. Psychologist have proven over and over that people who are praised for things will likely do them more frequently. So you have to retrain your brain to give 15 positives to each negative per day. You select the behavior you want, and watch for it. When you see it, you praise praise praise.

With the positive changes you see in the child you can set up little motivators to continue this behavior. For example. if your 10 year old would never follow instructions, ( which btw you need to tell them how) like 1- look at the person 2- say ok 3-do the task and 4- check back. Its easy to teach, easy for them to do, and if they know that if they follow instructions 85% of the time this whole week, they get a special reward, you will see the magic. So start thinking in your mind 15-1 ratios from now on. Catch your kid being good! Just the attention they get is sometimes worth it to them.

At any rate, this a worldwide problem and kids are giving up on themselves since they have these labels that in many cases are so useless. There is an appropriate time and place and child that needs special medication and care. Out of the 88 expelled children I served, we had 2. I am putting a book together on what labeling does to kids emotionally and the way the system is designed to fail them and is money driven. If you or someone you know has been affected by these type of situations, please contact me and share your story. Thanks!

tj

Addict Or Mental Health Patient? Lets Quit Playing Games. I Am Going To Keep This Real Like No Other Post, So Beware.

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I talk about parents and kids and pedophiles and the like on here. However when I scan through the posts I have done over the years I found it very odd that I avoided the one that has cost me the most in my life. Addiction. I worked with addicts/mental health patients ( depending on where they are treated) for many years. The difference between me and them was that I had a secret. I had grown up an ” addict”. My father laid out a case of PBR when I was 12 and from then on it got worse and worse. I was a full blown ” addict” by 16. I made it through jobs, and even did very well at them. That is called a functional alcoholic. That lasts for awhile until eventually it catches up with your ability to function.

My father , brother are both long term prisoners. My dad will die in there. My other brother shot himself in the head right after graduating UF to be a cop. It took me many people praying and many nights of wanting to die to get to the place where I am today. I have been to 30 day, and 90 day inpatient programs, 2 years of AA type meetings ( they have about a 5% success rate BTW)-
If it was not for the praying people around me and the healing that God did in my body, there is no chance I could be writing this. I am being truthful. One surgeon, after my pancreas exploded, came in my room and told me I would not live any longer due to the damage. That night an old christian friend of the family came in my room by herself, leaned over to my ear, and said ” I have a word for you- YOU SHALL LIVE AND NOT DIE”- Then she left the room. I had not seen her in months.

The next morning the same surgeon comes barging in the door to my room holding up an X-RAY to the light. He said ” I dont understand, what happened? The sickness, it is all gone!” Left that day without anything but another nudge from the Lord that He was not giving up on me. I could tell 15 more events that were nothing short of miracles too. As a matter of fact, here is a quick one. I was driving my convertible mustang down the road and doing maybe 45-50 mph. 3 blocks from my house. I blacked out and headed straight for a very big old tree and hit it head on. I remember waking up with the air bag the color of velvet, my forehead torn open, and then a voice. It was a highway patrol man. He stood back about 6 feet, looked again at the car which was totaled like an accordian, and with a soft voice asked me if I could talk. I kicked the driver door open, it was stuck, and walked right along with him telling him what happened.
This is back in the day when I was one of ” those”. I knew I had to go to the hospital.. and i knew that meant toxicology tests…I was not worried about alcohol. I had graduated to higher class type drugs.
I went to the hospital , got the 45 stitches in my face, the doctor gave the tox report to the highway patrol man and after the report, it said ” medical blackout” cause unknown. It could have read a whole lot different.
My point is, most addicts did’nt ask to be addicts any more then cancer patients ask to become cancer patients. I have been through 15 years of hating my life, and then having others tell me how I am wrecking it, like I don’t know it. Where there are many experts, there are few answers. I will be focusing on the myth of addiction in up and coming blogs. One of the reasons I went into the field of social work was to help these type of people. Little did I know I had a live it awhile before I could be any help.
Peace

tj

What Should We Be Telling Our Children About The Crazy Things They See in This World Everyday?

Wow. Not a day goes by that one of my kids don’t point at something then ask me ” why are they doing that “- it used to be a once in awhile thing but in the last decade or 2 things have changed.These days we are not debating if they are old enough to get an earring . I think about the changes being very carefully introduced into society that 20 years ago would not be discussed, yet today things of that nature are commonplace.

I notice that with all the changes most parents try to avoid contact or any accountability. Do any parents ( like me) still cry in bed once in awhile at what our children face each day? I pray that my kids would be so aware of what is right and wrong that their convictions would overpower their temptations.I think each day about how they will handle not flying into la-la land each day believing that what they see in this world is good just because that’s what people are doing. I happen to be a believer. I am a Christian who is is fortunate enough to have been taught the tools of the church (Bible). Even my smaller children recognize sin when they see it, once in a while in our home and out.

I am not preaching the Gospel here, but I am suggesting that you have a home base for all.

In order to do this as parents, we must  model and participate in the types of things we wish for them to learn. I am opposed to sheltering our children from whats out there, as they need to see the consequences of our actions. However today’s world is no longer even realistic, and sometimes it is straight up nasty, and the people who support the nasty  are those high in office. Big problems for us parents. We have got to avoid the mistake of trusting what popular political figures are lighting a spark to so that our kids avoid the inferno ahead.

Please comment with any ideas you have found helpful!

tj