Got Respect From Your Kid? Seriously.

Got Respect From Your Kid? Seriously.

Nothing more frustrating to see then the absentee parent trying to make up for lost time with a child by jamming the kid up with activities, presents or money to ease the pain. I wish I could jump in and tell them how 15 quality minutes of their valuable time could make a real difference.
There is another problem that I see though with even worse consequences. The pleaser parent-the cushion your fall-never going to let you feel painwill do as you say (or scream)parent.

People need to understand this one idea; kids want structure and boundaries. They crave a strong figure in their lives and will quickly show amazing ability to conform when they realize the rules are set in stone and the consequences are coming no matter what. Consequences can be positive or negative but they must be consistent to the behavior. The consequence should be natural and logical to the behavior and the issuing of the consequence should happen in the same voice tone whether a positive or negative consequence is being given. For example, if Johnny turns his home stereo up to 25, when you agreed on 20, a natural and logical consequence may be to take away his stereo privileges for 1 day with a chance to earn back 1/2 day if he follows your instructions the rest of the day.

No matter what you do, or how you do it, let it make sense! The worst parenting occurs when a 6 year old is ruling the house by verbally dominating the parents, or a teenager bullies their way through each day in the house. The tail is wagging the dog here, it should not be this way. One position I held as an administrator for an alternative school for expelled children, required me to survey the students to find out what the kids want. Do they want boundaries, rules and regulations? What do you think?

Here is the answer; a resounding YES! Some 88% of middle and high school students who were surveyed without their identity being known said that they wish they had been given set boundaries while growing up. The were hungry for the security that comes with these boundaries, and the peace that comes with knowing that someone is in control of things. Think of it like this- as adults, how would we feel if we got on the highway one day and a new sign appeared that read like this-
NO SPEED LIMIT! DRIVE AS YOU PLEASE!

In all honesty most of us would be scared out of our minds! The crazy drivers that we would face, the uncertainty of the journey, the lack of structure would leave us questioning our ability to go on. It is no different for the children, so how much more do they need the structure? Very much!

Don’t be the parent who wins the best buddy award for your efforts to please them. It is ok for your child to be mad at you sometimes, to be pouting and moody Much better then enabling them by being a cushion for every fall and pretending life has no hurts. Keep things real, and you will produce real results!

DLMK

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Published by: www.dontlabelmykid.wordpress.com

I am a social worker and family coach for 20+ years. I have had around 50 foster kids , worked in every and any type of facility from juvenile centers to clinical treatment centers to schools for expelled youth . I've been successful with starting schools for violent offenders , training hospital staff , entire counties of public school teachers, parents and many more on behavior management and helping families in trouble . I have been honored to speak on many occasions and to teach professionals what is wrong with our systems for kids and adults, and how I was able to have successful outcomes in all the programs that I ran. And yes- I do have all the accolades and awards and pats on the back from high places and degrees but I'm not in this for that recognition. I appreciate the acknowledgement I've received over the years, but I don't even have an " I love me" wall in the office..so I don't even know where those things are anymore ..LOL I have lived a hard life myself and grew up in a very violent and abusive home. My family Is filled with depression , addiction and suicide. I also have had to navigate my way through these areas . I use my own experience to help others. I hope you will join the awesome people who follow me and share their stories. This Is a place to come to keep it real. We all struggle . So on this site we keep it legit. No judgement. What are you waiting for? Follow! tj

Categories At Risk Families, Divorce and Kids, For mental health workers, Government Services, Labelling Kids, Motivation, Parenting, Self worth, Teens and sex, The ever spinning media, UncategorizedTags, , , , , , , 3 Comments

3 thoughts on “Got Respect From Your Kid? Seriously.”

  1. Excellent posting. I am a stepparent and educator and I currently see this dynamic with my stepson’s parents. He is having significant problems in school, yet, it is never truly his fault according to his parents. He does not need to make up excuses as they do it for him. At this time, he is 10 years old. I have laid awake some evenings wondering how this will progress in his teenage years.

    Like

    1. Kimberly-
      Thanks very much for the kind words! Sadly, I see this kind of parenting each day and feel sorry for the children who are not being set up for realistic expectations in this world.
      TjP

      Like

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