Many people say they love unconditionally, as a matter of fact in most marriage vows, we vow this kind of love. We promise to be there in sickness and in health, and until death parts us. Then why is our divorce rate over 50% and our relationship success rate in general failing miserably? Is it because we really DO NOT love unconditionally, or because we have become such a self centered people that we have a “what’s in it for me ” type mindset. Perhaps both?
I have no idea who said this, and I am paraphrasing, but someone described our current style of love in this way; We look at our partners and try to mold them into thinking the way we think and shape them into the shape we like. True love not only allows independence , but encourages the individual identity one is born with, and supports it at that” There is a nugget of golden truth in their somewhere, and I think it is that in our selfish laziness, we tend to want our spouses to become like us, instead of seeing what they are capable of as their own person. I agree with that.
Loving unconditionally is rare to find today. I think some people today still think love is a “feeling” with a warm fuzzy lining. After a little time passes, the warm feelings come and go, and so do we! How crazy is that? This should be the point where true love ” kicks -in ” and shows itself. The place where we get to express our love for someone who is not loveable right now. To believe in someone who seems to have given up. To stand by a person when everyone else is walking away. That is what love is. It is an action, a verb, not a feeling. Feelings come and go, money comes and goes, health comes and goes, cars come and go, but unconditional love stays no matter what.
Every once in awhile, I run across an older couple who has been married for 50-60 years. If I have the chance, I inquire as to the ” secret ” to such a long relationship. I have yet to hear anyone say ” Well, we just have not encountered any troubles ” or ” Life has been easy for us “. Most times some horrific times have been endured, and have been responsible for the strength of the relationship. The storms have been the reason two people have become so strong.
I think we all need to take a look at our relationships in 2014, and ask ourselves if we are issuing selfish love, which comes and goes with the circumstances, or selfless love, which stands by when all others check out. Just a thought for the new year..