Depression expressed….

I scream out with my voice to be heard,

I reach out with my hands to be touched,

I push my heart outside of my chest to know love.

My voice is not heard, my hands never touched and my heart stays lonely.

I have seen that nobody is looking, nobody is touching, nobody is loving.

Thats how it is in my world. I weep for real hope, but it escapes me.

I pray for a way to make it through the day, I weep again.

I love but cannot feel love, I touch but cannot feel touch and I scream cannot hear.


My only hope is I will one day be able to enter the world that people around me live in,

to know real living. They think I can hear, they think I feel love, and they think I can feel ,

but I stare into their world through a thick colored glass, hardly able to see even movement.

I look at others through a dark fog, and feel the heaviness of that fog covering my heart.

The fog is so very tiring, and I feel like giving up. I do not and cannot bear the burden of my

own load, and am looking for a way to clarity, i want to see, touch and feel. I want to be seen

and be touched…

and heard. My soul is in the dark night, shall I enter into the darkness or shall I run fast

through it until light comes?

I think about this everyday, and wonder which I will choose. Every day, all day actually. I

weep from the very depths of my being,

but am unable to give up. I will not give up, I cannot give up I have come too far now.

My children make me smile, my life has purpose if for them alone, yet I often wonder what

will I do.

It is here where the crossroad is at, where I make the choice to give up or try again, to lay it

down or press on.

My options are few and my time is short. I cannot go on like this, so I give up.

My final decision is to give up completely, take a deep breath, look back at the good things in

my life, the hope that exists –

in what I have already acquired. It is almost over now, I feel relief, but scared as well. So

goodbye, to my fears, goodbye to my regrets.

I am deciding to give it all up.

Today I rise up and grab the arm of another, but to help them. I scream as well, but out of happiness for a good thing that happened

to a friend. I share my handicapped heart, as I pour it into another life to encourage them. I

am beginning to feel, and hear. My God…

what is happening to me. I am the one in need. I have waited and longed for many things, my

suffering has been greater than others.

I dont understand. I am a wounded healer. My senses are restored by helping others in the

same need I have. I am glad I gave up!

Hope is glimmering through the cracks of my mind, and the numbness is turning to feeling. I

weep again.

I weep for joy that I take in the comforting of others, but is this a trick? It does not make

sense. I fall back into darkness once again,

and quickly jump away, as I have tasted the sweetness of the senses now. I wont go back. I

will not go back.

I refuse to believe what I am telling myself, and press to what I know to be true.

I am feeling by giving touch, and hearing by listening.

My heart is touched by touching a heart.

I love my life.




Published by:

I am a social worker and family coach for 20+ years. I have had around 50 foster kids , worked in every and any type of facility from juvenile centers to clinical treatment centers to schools for expelled youth . I've been successful with starting schools for violent offenders , training hospital staff , entire counties of public school teachers, parents and many more on behavior management and helping families in trouble . I have been honored to speak on many occasions and to teach professionals what is wrong with our systems for kids and adults, and how I was able to have successful outcomes in all the programs that I ran. And yes- I do have all the accolades and awards and pats on the back from high places and degrees but I'm not in this for that recognition. I appreciate the acknowledgement I've received over the years, but I don't even have an " I love me" wall in the I don't even know where those things are anymore ..LOL I have lived a hard life myself and grew up in a very violent and abusive home. My family Is filled with depression , addiction and suicide. I also have had to navigate my way through these areas . I use my own experience to help others. I hope you will join the awesome people who follow me and share their stories. This Is a place to come to keep it real. We all struggle . So on this site we keep it legit. No judgement. What are you waiting for? Follow! tj

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